How to Survive a Zombie Attack

A recent study from the U.S. Supernatural Affairs Bureau states that 1 in 5 Americans will be the victim of a zombie attack. Read these tips, and be prepared!

1. Remember: you’re faster. Zombies are slow and stupid. Take advantage of this.  Your first option is to run as fast as you can.  Don’t board yourself up in a house or building. Zombies are slow, but they are persistent, and a growing horde will break through eventually.
2. Improvise weapons. You will probably not be prepared with a gun, machete or chainsaw. That’s why you’re such a decent human being. So you’ve got to be ready to improvise weapons. Cooking in the kitchen? Take that hot frying pan and bang away.  Cornered in the bathroom? Spray perfume in their eyes: it’ll temporarily blind them and they’ll smell better, too. Interrupted in the library? Hurl that Oxford English Dictionary straight at their heads. You probably won’t be able to decapitate the zombies, but you can at least knock most of them out until help arrives. And if the situation is really bad, help is going to arrive in the form of the military.  Which brings us to the next tip…

1. Watch out for the military. By the time the military steps in to save the day, you’re sure to be a little stressed out. Keep your cool, and pay attention to your appearance. You don’t want them to think you’re a zombie, too. Start carrying a comb in your back pocket so you’ll have it handy if this occasion arises. Run the comb through your hair, and pinch your cheeks to bring some color back. Call to them in some sort of human language. Messy hair, a pasty complexion, and guttural grunts used for greetings are no-no’s. Think about applying this to your daily life, too.

1. Capitalize. Congratulations! You’ve survived a zombie attack! You are officially the coolest person in town. Now get to work on that book/movie deal.

Read more about battling zombies in World War Z : An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks, available at BPL, NYPL and QBPL. ISBN: 9780307346605

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