How to ….KILL A VAMPIRE

So you’ve decided to (or are now forced to) kill a vampire. Well, congratulations! The noble art of vampire-killing has a long and illustrious history, from Buffy to Van Helsing on down.

Starting off, there’s the classic “stake through the heart” technique. This is a proven method but it has its downsides – vampires are known to “sleep” with their eyes open, so getting the metaphorical “drop” on a vampire can often be difficult. Furthermore, experts differ in their preferences in stake material: aspen and ash are popular and are probably easier to find at you local lumberyard than the exotic whitethorn, blackthorn, and hawthorn that some practitioners use. Experiment with stake materials to see what works for you! If you happen to forget your stake when you find a sleeping vampire’s grave, some experts recommend that you turn the vampire over (face down). This will force the vampire to dig the wrong way if it tries to escape while you’re gone. Whatever you do or whatever stake you choose, it is imperative for you to leave the stake in place once you’ve driven it into the vampire’s heart! Vampires have been known to try and remove the stake before they expire, so you may want to distract the vampire with a “warding-off”/repelling maneuver (see below) while its evil life force drains away.

Effective vampire hunters will also cut off the vampire’s head after driving the stake into its heart, which leads us to the next vampire-killing technique: decapitation. This is another popular vampire-killing method, and has it’s origins with vampire-killers in Greece, Southern Germany, and Romania. Do be aware that the deception method requires more than just removing the head – both head and body are required to be burnt (some practitioners burn the heart as well), and the ashes are then buried in separate places. Vampire killers on the island of Crete are known to boil the head in vinegar first before burning it, and some vampire killers will stuff garlic in the mouth before immolation.

Some practitioners are found of firing a silver bullet into the vampire’s heart, thus avoiding the obnoxious wails and screams of an impaled vampire and the copious blood typical of decapitated vampires. As with the other techniques, this also has its downsides: some vampires are impervious to silver bullets unless they’ve been blessed by a priest, and some older and more powerful vampires are completely impervious to bullets, blessed or not. This method is best used as a first attack, moving on to the more effective stake through the heart/decapitation method if necessary.

Exposing a vampire to direct sunlight has been an often-used method of killing vampires, but the latest research shows that modern vampires are more resilient to sunlight than their historical forbearers: modern vampires will be burned, but not reduced to ashes. Sunlight may be considered now to be a “warding-off” technique – a method of driving a vampire away without killing it. Other popular vampire repellents are holy symbols (crucifixes, bibles, prayer beads, holy water, etc), but only if blessed by a religious authority and if the wielder has faith. The symbol will often glow and cause the vampire to cower in fright, and some vampires can even be burned if the symbol is applied to the skin – this is a particularly efficient defense when holy water is used. It is the observation of this writer that symbols need not be Christian: a Star of David or image of the Star and Crescent will work equally well if blessed and the bearer has faith. Vampires are repelled by the smell of garlic, and the savvy vampire hunter will always wear a string of garlic bulbs around their neck while on the hunt.

Lastly, savvy vampire hunters know to never invite a suspected vampire into their homes, nor accept a vampire’s invitation to its home. Temping as it may be to explore a vampire’s eerie and decrepit mansion, do not enter unless absolutely necessary. Wise vampire hunters will often sprinkle salt around the perimeter of their dwelling place – salt has been known to repel some vampires.

Happy hunting! And be careful out there….because if you’re not, it might be you on the wrong end of the stake.

1) How to Make an Avatar 2) How to Save the World (From Ourselves) 3) How to ….KILL A VAMPIRE 4) "Metamorphosize” your Myspace 5) How to Redo Your Room 6 How to Survive a Zombie Attack 7) Blogging: An Introduction to Weblogs

8) Feeling stressed?  Meditation can help you b more chill! 9) How to get your word out! 10) How to Make Something Out of Nothing… 11)How To Podcast 12) How to Change Your Look